September 26, 2000
"Coming Home" by Gemini
"Outta The Loop" by Joanna
Some of you may read this story and ask, "Where is Dana?"
The scene opens with Dan and Casey having a conversation, while seated at the anchor desk.
Casey: And strong. She's strong, too.
Dan: Strong, obviously.
Casey: Have you ever seen such intensity?
Dan: In ordinary people, probably not.
Casey: When you look into her eyes, they just scream out, "I'm going to kick your butt."
Dan: Kick your butt.
Casey: Exactly. Amazing, she's just amazing.
Everyone in the control room is working away during the commercial break.
Natalie: What is he talking about?
Elliott: Isn't it obvious?
Elliott: Of course.
Natalie: (into mic) Casey, she's not your type.
Casey strikes a defensive pose.
Casey: (shouting) Oh, yeah?
Natalie: (into mic) Case, we can hear you just fine in here. No need to shout.
Casey: Have you watched her?
Natalie: (into mic) We do a sports show here. I've edited some of her segments.
Casey: She's graceful and strong.
Natalie: (into mic) We know that.
Casey: She's smart and beautiful. Did you know she's going to medical school in the future?
Natalie: (into mic) Yes, Casey.
Dan leans over and whispers to Casey.
Dan: (whispering) Most decorated female athlete.
Casey: She's the most decorated Summer Games athlete.
Dan: (whispering) Female.
Casey: Female athlete.
Natalie: (into mic) Thank you, Dan and Casey.
Jeremy: That's not correct.
Natalie: (to Jeremy) I know. (into mic) Guys, she's the most decorated American female swimmer.
Casey: That's what I said.
Natalie: (into mic) You said athlete. Female Summer Games athlete.
Casey: You know what I meant.
Natalie: (into mic) She's not your type.
Casey: Eight gold medals.
Dan: Plus a silver and a bronze.
Casey: Ten medals for the most decorated American female swimmer.
Natalie: (into mic) Casey, she's not your type.
Casey: How do you know?
Natalie: (into mic) I know.
Dan: How do you know?
Casey: (to Dan) We have things in common.
Dan: Like what?
Casey: Sports. She plays them, I cover them.
Dan: What else?
Casey: Well, we both went to college.
Dan: She goes to Stanford.
Casey: And I've been to that prestigious school myself.
Dan: To cover games. What else?
Casey: She's strong--
Dan: And graceful.
Dan: You know what?
Dan: I have a leg up on you, my friend.
Casey: What? How so?
Dan: We're both native New Englanders.
Casey: No... wait, yeah.
Dan: So I have a little more in common with Jenny Thompson, than do you.
Casey: Hold on.
Dan: Let's just say hypothetically, that you and me were at a bar.
Dan: And Jenny, the most decorated American female swimmer, was to walk up and start up a conversation with both of us.
Casey: A dream come true.
Dan: You could talk to her about Stanford and about swimming. And then I could turn to her and talk about her childhood days of growing up in New England.
Casey: No! What do you have that I didn't?
Dan: We could talk about New England winters.
Casey: We had snow!
Dan: Ah, yes. But you had those Midwestern Indiana snows. There's a difference.
Casey: How so?
Dan: Jenny would know.
Dan: She's smart.
Dan: My point exactly.
Casey: I don't see it. Anyway, you have Rebecca.
Dan: So Rebecca eliminates me from competition?
Dan: Rebecca makes me no longer attractive to women?
Casey: Well, no.
Dan: Jenny Thompson and I just have more in common.
Casey: I haven't gotten to know her, yet.
Dan: You don't even know her, Casey.
Casey: Oh, yeah? (turns toward control room) Jeremy? Get me Jenny Thompson's agent and get me her number. Or at least, an interview!
Natalie: (into mic) Casey, you just want to talk to Thompson's agent?
Casey: No, just Jenny.
Dave: Back in thirty.
Jeremy: Tell Casey I'll do my best.
Natalie: (into mic) Jeremy says 'fat chance.'
Chris: Actually, I used to be a swimmer.
Will: No, you weren't.
Chris: I was a pretty good swimmer.
Chris: Was to.
Will: Was not.
Chris: Was to.
Will: Was not.
Dave: I'll take and drown you both myself.
Natalie: (into mic) Jeremy also says he has more in common with her because he attended a Pac-10 school.
Dan starts laughing.
Casey: (slowly) Jeremy must die.
Jeremy: I have Natalie! I have Natalie!
Natalie: Aw sweetie, I love that loyalty.
Kim: Yeah. Jeremy turns down an Olympian because he loves Natalie more.
Jeremy: I haven't even been propositioned by Jenny Thompson!
Natalie: And why would she?
Jeremy: What do you mean?
Natalie: She knows that when it comes down to you, I would kick her butt.
Natalie: I would take home the gold!
Kim: And Jeremy.
Natalie: Especially my sweetie.
Dave: In 5, 4, 3...
Dan: (on-air) Welcome back. The Athletics are home battling for a division title, a possible wild-card berth, and the Anaheim Angels this evening. Let's take a look...
Natalie: What do you mean 'uh-oh'?
Chris: We just lost Oakland.
Kim: Oh no.
Natalie: Yeah, Oakland. Let's switch-
Kim: I lost Seattle.
Jeremy: Okay, everybody. Let's not panic.
Natalie: (into mic) Dan, we've lost Oakland. We're pushing it back to the final update. Casey, we don't have Seattle. We're pushing it back with Oakland.
Dan: (on-air) ...and we'll have a live report from Andrew MacInerney on the resurgent A's later in this broadcast. Casey.
Casey: (on-air) The Rangers are in Seattle tonight, and it's just not to pay Bill Gates a visit...
Kim: Just got it back.
Natalie: Great. How's Oakland?
Chris: Still down.
Natalie: No problem. (into mic) Casey, Seattle's back. Switch to them.
Casey: (on-air) ...and we'll update you on the progress of this game a little bit later, but let's switch over to A.J. Shepherd, outside of Safeco Field, where he has a little bit more about the Mariners and their recent turbulent seas. A.J.
Dave: Seattle's on.
Kim: It's good.
Chris: Oakland's back.
Natalie: Awesome. Great save, everybody. (into mic) Great job, guys.
Dan: Thanks. Great set-up.
Casey: Anyway, I think we could hit it off.
Dan: You and me?
Casey: Haven't you been listening?
Dan: Unfortunately, yes, I have.
Casey: What do you think?
Dan: It's nice to have fantasies. I think it's cute you have a crush on her. What disturbs me is this stalker-like tendencies you are developing in front of my eyes.
Casey: It's not disturbing.
Dan: You need to concentrate your energies on something more in your reach.
Dan: Don't tell me you have forgotten about Dana?
Casey: Dana? No!
Dan: Concentrate on her.
Casey: It's hard because of her schedule.
Dan: She's in Sydney.
Dan: Can't call her?
Casey: She's busy.
Dan: Send her e-mail.
Casey: I have.
Casey: Eleven times.
Dan: Even better.
Casey: Eleven times in four weeks.
Dan: What's the problem?
Casey: I haven't heard back.
Casey: Like I said, she's busy.
Dan: Something's not right.
Casey: Tell me about it.
Dan: You run it by Jeremy?
Casey: He can't fix it.
Dan: Jeremy? If he can't, who can?
Dan: Tech support. Have you tried the big dummies in tech support?
Dan: If you were that desperate for help.
Casey: Speaking of tech support-
Dan: Big dummies- you forgot the 'big dummies' in tech support.
Casey: That's not a flattering representation.
Dan: No, but it's accurate. I need a new computer, not a bunch of geek-wannabes fiddling with something they have no idea on how to fix.
Casey: I'll fix it for you.
Casey: I'll make a call and get you set-up.
Dan: Thanks, I hope.
Dan and Casey both notice that its time to cut back to the studio.
Casey: (on-air) Thank you, A.J. Shepherd, live from Seattle.
Dan: (on-air) Now, we have the sparkling highlights from the Indians-Twins game at the Jake....
Will: Twenty-six's up.
Elliott: Chyron's up.
Jeremy: Me and Jenny Thompson?
Natalie: Don't even think about it. (pause) How's New York?
Jeremy: All right.
Chris: Which one?
Chris: J-E-T-S. Jets. Jets. Jets. They're ready.
Will: Four and oh, so fine.
Dave makes a gun out of his index finger and thumb and fires it at both Chris and Will.
Casey: Coming up next, college football news from the golden dome, the Reds' Pokey Reese has just stolen home, and the Buffalo Bills have room to roam. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.