March 20, 2001
Jim Hamilton and Joanna Kobylar
"Chicken Soup for Dana" by Danielle
"The Hypocrisy Of Cake" by Sary
Dan and Casey are sitting behind the anchor desk and are putting on their microphones before the start of the show.
Dave: (over intercom) Sixty seconds VTR, 2 minutes live.
Casey: So you want to talk about it?
Dan: No, no. Not now.
Casey: Why not?
Dan: I... I don't feel comfortable about it.
Casey: Sam is off tonight.
Dan: Yet, I feel his presence here.
Casey: You wanted to talk about Sam and he's not here. I think it's the perfect time.
Dan: I just feel that he can somehow connect to the studio while he is away. He's physically not here, but spiritually he's present. And he's over there off the set.
Dan points to his left and Casey glances to his left.
Casey: Yes, I see him too.
Dan: You do?
Casey: He's saying it's all right to talk about him. He doesn't care.
Dan: Now, you're mocking me.
Casey: Yes, I am.
Dan: The timing isn't right.
Casey shakes his head.
The crew is working in the control room.
Dana: Show me San Diego. (pause) Show me Dan again.
Natalie: What's up?
Dana: Dan doesn't look right. He's pale.
Natalie: He looks fine.
Dana: Let me see Camera 2. (pause) Camera 3.
Natalie: He doesn't look good in 3.
Dave: On it. (pause) Eric, swing Duey to Dan. And Lois, swing Louie to center position.
Dave looks at the monitors.
Dave: Looks like a problem with Louie.
Chris: We're on it.
Chris and Will get up and leave the control room.
Dana: Duey and Louie?
Dave: The cameras. Two is Duey and three is Louie.
Dana: And Camera 1 is Huey?
Dana: Okay. Can they get it fixed in time?
Dave: We'll know in a sec. (into headset) Roll tape, live in sixty.
Chris and Will are standing on either side of the broken camera.
Will: What do you think is causing the problem?
Chris: Oh, it just needs a slight adjustment.
Chris smacks the side of the camera.
Will: You just hit a $300,000 piece of equipment!
Chris: Sometimes you just need to show it who's the boss.
Will: Hitting it isn't going to fix it.
Chris smacks the camera again.
Chris: Yes, it will.
Will smacks the camera from his side.
Will: No, it won't.
Dana: (off-screen) Perfect!
Chris and Will walk back into the control room.
Dana: Great job, guys. I don't know how you did it, but camera three- Louie- is looking great now.
Chris: Fixing it is a complicated procedure.
Will: Which requires the expertise of skilled technicians.
Dave leans over toward Chris and Will.
Dave: (whispering) You smacked it again, didn't you?
Chris and Will smile.
Chris: We did what we had to do.
Dana: Okay, good show everybody.
The crew makes their final adjustments.
Will: One and two are preset.
Chris: Audio 1, 1a, and 3 are ready.
Kim: Calgary, you are coming in good.
Dave: In 5, 4, 3, 2...
Casey: (on-air) Good evening and welcome to another edition of Sports Night. I'm Casey McCall and this is my partner Dan Rydell. We've got the honeyed nectar of euphoria coming from the Sweet 16 in men's and women's college hoops.
Dan: (on-air) We also have a report from Lonnie... Lanie MacKenna from Calgary-
Dana: Lonnie? Where did he get Lonnie?
Elliott: It says Lonnie on the Teleprompter.
Dana: Doesn't it have spell-check?
Elliott: Yeah, but Lonnie is spelled correctly.
Dana: Okay. Hopefully, Sam isn't watching at home.
Dan: (on-air) Tonight, the Senators and Mighty Ducks battled at the Pond in Anaheim. We jump into the first period when... when... obviously this isn't the Ducks and Senators, unless they've changed the uniform codes.
Dana: Why are we showing pairs figure skating?!
The crew works feverishly to correct things.
Dave: Cut to Louie.
Dan: (on-screen) We'll show you highlights of a great game a little later in the broadcast.
Dana: Dan's blue!
Dave: Cut to Duey.
Kim: We just lost Calgary.
Casey: (on-screen) Let's go to Lanie MacKenna from Calgary, who has highlights from the Flames and Hurricanes.
Dana: (into headset) Casey abort. Abort, Casey. We've lost Calgary. Cut to commercial.
Casey: (on-screen) We've seem to have lost Lanie, but we'll bring you her story later on. Right now, let's go to commercial to see if we've paid all our bills this month. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.
Dave: Back in seventy-five.
Dana: What god or demon has terrorized us tonight?! Jeremy, what ghost did you conjure up this evening?!
Jeremy: Nothing evil should be happening today.
Dana: Then what should be happening?
Jeremy: The only thing happening today is that Ovid, the Roman poet, was born back in 43 B.C.
Natalie: Ovid, a Roman poet?
Jeremy: His proper name being Publius Ovidius Naso. He was either the last of the Golden Age poets, such as Vergil and Horace, or first of the Silver Age poets, such as Lucan and Statius. He was exiled from Rome in 9 A.D. after-
Dana: Shut up!
Casey: So you think Sam's spirit is causing all this?
Dan: I do indeed.
Dan: I think he takes much joy in seeing us flail about, only to be making no progress through the weeds.
Casey: So, we are cutting weeds?
Dan: We are, but we are flailing about with no progress.
Casey: What has gotten into you?
Dan: Nothing. It's just I've learned to become more aware of the surroundings here. I will know what is happening and how to handle the situations as they arise.
Casey: I thought that is what Natalie is for.
Natalie: (over intercom) I heard that.
Dan: Casey, just notice that I am now aware and that you can confide in me.
Casey gives Dan a strange look.
Casey: Whoo... o-kay.
Dana: Are we straightened out?
Dana: Jeremy, no more exiled poets.
Dave: Back in 5, 4, 3, 2...
Dan: (on-air) We're back and current with all our accounts, so we should be fine for the rest of the night. Now back to tonight's games on ice...