Looks vs. Brains



Natalie is walking down the hallway toward Dana's office. She opens the door and walks in. Dana is seated at her desk and reading something while wearing her glasses.

Natalie: Hey. We've got a problem.

Dana: I know. (pause) Do you think I'm hot?

Natalie: Hm?

Dana: I think I'm hot, Natalie. Don't you think I'm hot?

Natalie reaches over and feels Dana's forehead.

Natalie: You feel fine-

Dana: I don't have a fever.

Natalie: Then why?

Dana: I mean in the feminine sense.

Natalie looks at Dana.

Natalie: You think you're good-looking hot?

Dana: I think I'm damn good-looking hot.

Natalie: You're right.

Dana: And don't sell yourself short, either. You are too.

Natalie: Thank you. What's up?

Dana tosses and open magazine to the front of her desk.

Dana: They've come out with the 'Hottest Women in Sports Television' list.

Natalie: You're not on it?

Dana: Yes.

Natalie: It's just a popularity contest.

Dana: I know.

Natalie: Who's on it?

Dana: A bunch of women they deem hot.

Natalie: Melissa Stark?

Dana: Yes.

Natalie: Jill Arrington?

Dana: Yes.

Natalie: Julia Child?

Dana: Come on Natalie-

Natalie: You do your job really well, and that is all that should matter.

Dana: I know.

Natalie: Did anybody from CSC make the list?

Dana: Yes.

Natalie: Who?

Natalie grabs the magazine and starts reading.

Natalie: Sally?

Dana shakes her head in disgust.

Natalie: Sally's on the list?

Dana: Long-legged look-at-me Sally's on the list.

Natalie: They have a good picture of her. She looks good.

Dana: She's sitting on her desk and her long, long legs are crossed in front. It just screams out, "I charge by the hour."

Natalie: No, it doesn't.

Dana: Natalie.

Natalie: Okay, maybe. Maybe she could have worn a pants suit.

Dana: You think?

Natalie: Yeah.

Dana: I mean... she just has looks and no brains. How did she get on the list?

Natalie: Well, the list isn't titled, "Smartest Women in Sports Television."

Dana: But the rest of the list is filled with intelligent women, and they're excellent at what they do.

Natalie: Maybe she got lucky.

Dana: Maybe she slept with a lot of people.

Natalie: I guess sleeping with Casey doesn't get one on the list.

Dana glares at Natalie.

Dana: Sally's already on the list.

Natalie: Yeah... but... I wasn't referring to Sally and Casey sleeping together.

Dana: Thanks for bringing that up, too.

Dana tosses her glasses on the desk.

Natalie: That was years ago. You're sleeping with Casey, remember?

Dana: So you're saying Casey isn't powerful enough to get me on the list?

Natalie: I'm saying Casey isn't the twenty-or-so men who put together this magazine.

Dana: You don't think the other women would-

Natalie: Not in a million years.

Dana: Good.

Natalie: You know what you can do?

Dana: What?

Natalie: Write a letter to the editor.

Dana: That's right. You're good, Natalie.

Natalie: I know.

Dana: What brought you in here... and don't say your legs and a pair of feet.

Natalie: I won't.

Dana: Good.

Natalie: We have a problem.

Dana: That's what we were discussing.

Natalie: A different problem. A scheduling problem.

Dana: What is it?

Natalie: Mike is in Philadelphia, and Jennifer is in Boston.

Dana: So?

Natalie: The rotation of anchors?

Dana: It's been set. Robby, Bobbi, Tina, Mike, and Jennifer.

Natalie: Unless you're the other half of the group, and you're thinking it's Robby, Bobby, Tina, Jennifer, and Mike.

Dana: That's what I said.

Natalie: Actually, what you said-

Dana: I know what I said. So there's a little confusion?

Natalie: For tonight's show, we have Dan and an empty chair because Mike is in Philadelphia-

Dana: And Jennifer is in Boston. Oh man.

Natalie: We could get Peter or Paul to fill in.

Dana: Why is this happening? I posted the schedule four or five times.

Natalie: That's the problem.

Dana: What?

Natalie: You've changed it four or five times.

Dana: I see.

Natalie: Dan needs a partner.

Dana: He already has-

Natalie: A permanent partner.

Dana: But, it is going all right.

Natalie: Tell that to Isaac tonight when Dan is doing the show by himself, unless we get him a partner.

Dana: I see your point. We need better communication.

Natalie: Dan needs a new partner.

Dana: Natalie-

Natalie: The budget increase should allow us to have a permanent anchor.

Dana: It's tight; the money is tight.

Natalie: Casey isn't coming back.

Dana: I know.

Natalie: Casey has a new job and he isn't coming back to anchor "Sports Night."

Dana: I've got the message.

Natalie: You need to hear it from me before Isaac tells you. Even before Sam tells you.

Dana: They haven't mentioned it to me.

Natalie: I overheard a conversation.

Dana: Let me guess. Between Isaac and Sam?

Natalie: I can't help that the doors are paper thin and one could hear a pin drop.

Dana: Okay.

Natalie: Good.

Natalie begins to leave.

Dana: Thanks for the warning, Natalie.

Natalie: You're welcome.

Natalie leaves the office.


Sam is typing on his laptop in his office. There is a knock on his door. Sam looks up, and Sally enters.

Sally: Hi, Sam.

Sam: Hi.

Sally: I was hoping we would have some time to talk.

Sam: Okay.

Sally sits in a chair in front of Sam's desk.

Sam: Have a seat.

Sally: Is it all right if I sit?

Sam: Sure.

Sam resumes his typing.

Sally: I wanted to talk about my show.

Sam: Right now?

Sally: Yes. You said it was all right if we talked.

Sam: No, I didn't.

Sally: I just asked-

Sam: You stated that you were hoping we would have some time to talk. I said, "Okay." I didn't say right now; I didn't say three years from now. I just agreed that we would have some time to talk.

Sally: Okay.

Sam looks at his laptop.

Sam: I've lost my train of thought, so we might as well get this over with.

Sally: Great.

Sam: You have a show.

Sally: Yes.

Sam: What is it?

Sally: The show? It's 'West Coast Update.'

Sam: You're an anchor? A reporter?

Sally: I'm the executive producer.

Sam: If you say so.

Sally: I'm Sally Sasser.

Sam: Okay.

Sally: I was just named one of the 'Hottest Women in Sports Television.'

Sam: Really?

Sally: Yes. A press release was issued by the network. The magazine is on the newsstands. I could get you a copy if you like.

Sam: Nah.

Sally: I wanted to talk about my show and possible improvements. We haven't spoken about the status of my show.

Sam: You're fine.

Sally: I would like to receive feedback every now and then.

Sam: What did you have to do to get on that list?

Sally: The 'Hottest Women-

Sam: Yeah, that thing. What did you have to do?

Sally: Well, my credentials stand out by itself. We've won our key national demographic 90% of the time. We consistently rank high with our viewers on the West Coast. In fact, I feel my show rules the sporting world by consistently beating ESPN and Fox Sports and CNN/SI.

Sam: Did you have to wear a skimpy outfit?

Sally: No.

Sam: You didn't have to sleep around, did you?

Sally: Absolutely not.

Sam: Okay.

Sally: I thought we were going to talk about my show.

Sam: I thought we were.

Sally: I'm not getting any feedback.

Sam: I said, "you're fine."

Sally: Sam? What is it you want from my show?

Sam: Consistency.

Sally: We're consistent.

Sam: Then you're fine.

Sally: Sam-

Sam: Nationally, you win the 18-35 male demographic because that's what men 18 to 35 years of age do: stay up and watch sports highlights. You consistently win your time slot because you are going up against repeats on ESPN and Fox Sports. CNN/SI barely makes a blip on the screen out west, and a test pattern probably could beat them in the ratings. You beat all those kids' and family networks because everybody on the East Coast is mostly in bed, except for those 18 to 35 year-old males. Your anchors need to develop more personality and they have a tendency to be fearful whenever there is a live report or interview. You have the director switch camera angles so often, I feel like I'm suffering from attention-deficit-disorder. You better win your slot, because if you start losing to infomercials, then you will be receiving plenty of feedback from me.

Sally: Okay.

Sam: Is that all the feedback you would like?

Sally: Sure. It's was good we had this talk, Sam.

Sally gets up to leave.

Sam: Don't let negative criticism bring you way down, and don't overvalue recognition and awards.

Sally: Okay.

Sally leaves the office and Sam begins typing again.


Isaac is sitting at his desk and writing. Dana walks in and closes the door.

Dana: Hey, Isaac.

Isaac: Dana.

Dana walks to Isaac's desk. Isaac continues writing. One of the monitors behind Isaac is replaying a college football game. Dana laughs.

Dana: That's the play when the two linemen got their face masks locked together.

Isaac continues writing. Dana leans in real close to Isaac.

Dana: Whatcha doing?

Isaac: Paperwork.

Dana moves away.

Dana: Oh. I see... lots of paperwork.

Isaac: Lots of paperwork.

Dana: Does that mean you're busy?

Isaac: Lots of paperwork.

Dana: Do you not want to be bothered?

Isaac: Bingo.

Dana leans in once again.

Dana: You need to take a break.

Isaac: I need to get this done before the meeting I am supposed to attend. The meeting in which you will also be attending.

Dana: That kind of paperwork.

Isaac: Yes.

Dana: Oh-kay.

Isaac sets his pen down.

Isaac: Dana, what's your problem?

Dana: My problem?

Isaac: Your problem.

Dana: I have many problems.

Isaac: Is it about Sally?

Dana: I don't want to talk about it.

Isaac: Good.

Isaac picks up his pen.

Dana: You know why I don't want to talk about it?

Isaac: Because it's not a problem?

Dana: Because it's not a problem.

Isaac: Good.

Isaac begins writing and Dana watches him.

Dana: Did you know... about Sally?

Isaac: Yes.

Dana: Really?

Isaac: Yes.

Dana: Why didn't you say anything?

Isaac: To whom?

Dana: To me.

Isaac: Because I know you two aren't exactly best friends, and I sensed you would feel a bit inferior if I told you.

Dana: I don't feel inferior.

Isaac: Good.

Isaac continues writing.

Dana: But if someone wanted to get on that list, what would one have to do?

Isaac: A good job.

Dana: Well, I do a good job.

Isaac: Be respected in the television community.

Dana: I'll let you know that I am well respected in the television community.

Isaac: Leave her boss alone.

Dana: And further more... I only... let you know...

Isaac: Yes?

Dana: I like to keep our lines of communication open.

Isaac: Two out of three.

Dana: That's still pretty good.

Isaac: Not good enough to be on the list.

Dana: Mmm.

Isaac: Yes.

Dana: I am leaving now.

Isaac: Goodbye, Dana.

Dana: Seriously.

Isaac: Would you like for me to make a departure call?

Dana: Cute. See you later.

Isaac: Later.

Dana leaves the office.


Elliott is following Jeremy around the newsroom.

Jeremy: You don't need to be following me.

Elliott: I'd like to refer to it as shadowing.

Jeremy: You know how to do this.

Elliott: It's different once you get the responsibilities. Being an associate producer is a lot different than being a production assistant. If I screwed it up before, people would say, "Elliott doesn't know any better. He's just a production assistant."

Jeremy: You never screwed it up and they never said that.

Elliott: See? Even then, I exceeded their expectations.

Jeremy: Exceeding expectations is why you're now an associate producer.

Elliott: Now, it's expected from me.

Jeremy: Don't worry about it. You'll do fine.

Dana walks by.

Dana: Jeremy-

Jeremy: Tell me you like it, Dana.

Dana: What?

Jeremy: What do you think about the Blue Devils package?

Dana: What about it?

Jeremy: What do you think?

Dana: What do I think? I'm thinking, at this very moment, that I have absolutely no idea why I hired you.

Jeremy: So, you like it?

Dana: Nice try, Jeremy. Mess up again and-

Jeremy: You'll set me on fire?

Dana: Something like that, yeah.

Dana walks away as Elliott looks terrified.

Jeremy: Don't worry, Elliott. You'll do fine.

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