The London Board

Original Release Date: May 14, 2002

Written by:
Jim Hamilton

Estimated Run Time:



"What are you feeling today?"

"I'm fine."

"You're fine?"

"I'm not in any physical pain, if that's what you're asking."

"You're body is healing itself."


Dana is sitting on a couch. She is inside a counselor's office. The room is decorated in various shades of blues and grays. The many degrees the doctor has earned hang on the wall behind Dana.

Dana reaches into her purse and pulls out two things: a cigarette and a lighter. She puts the cigarette into her mouth and lights it.

"You're smoking."

Dana takes a big puff.

Dana: Yeah.

"Your medical history doesn't say you're a frequent smoker."

Dana: I'm not.

"You smoked during our previous session. You've smoked during our last five sessions."

Dana: That doesn't necessitate calling me a habitual smoker.

"I didn't say you were a habitual smoker."

Dana: You did yesterday.

"You're starting to recollect our sessions."

Dana leans over and grabs a trash can. She pulls it to the side of the couch. She taps a few ashes into the can.

Dana: I'm not a habitual smoker.

There is the sound of a pen scribbling on a note pad.

"When did your physician say you can return to work?"

Dana: I should be completely healed in about 10 more days. I can return to work after that.

"Talk to me about your job."

Dana rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

Dana: You already know about my job. In fact, your medical records list my occupation and place of employment.

"Executive producer of a show on the Continental Sports Channel."

Dana: "Sports Night."

"I never watch."

Dana: Wha... you've got baseball memorabilia in glass cases in your waiting area. How can you not watch "Sports Night"?

"I never watch your network."

Dana: How can you be a big sports fan and not watch our network?

"Talk to me about your job."

Dana takes a puff of her cigarette. She turns to the side and blows out a line of smoke.

Dana: I don't want to talk about my job.

"What do you want to talk about?"

Dana just sits on the couch.


Dana: I'm not a habitual smoker.


A dart hits the dart board. A second dart hits, then a third.

Jeremy makes a mental count and grabs the darts.

Jeremy: That's 110.

Jeremy hands the darts to Natalie. Elliott keeps score on a chalkboard, as the three stand inside Anthony's.

Elliott: That leaves me at 398, Natalie at 413, and Jeremy at... 295.

Natalie: You're good, Jeremy.

Jeremy: It's in the wrist. It doesn't matter how hard you throw the dart, it just comes down to the fundamental execution of being able to flick the dart from your hand and onto the board.

Natalie: Well, when a color commentator is needed for the next dart tournament, we'll give you a call.

Dan and Casey sit at a table as they watch Natalie begin her turn. The table is also surrounded by four empty chairs and topped with six empty beer glasses.

Casey: Everyone has the night off- a chance to get away from everyone and everything. Yet, where do we find ourselves?

Dan: At the same place, this time making odds that Natalie doesn't poke somebody's eye out.

Natalie makes her first attempt.

Casey: What are the odds?

Dan: Well, pretty long since everybody has learned to stay away when she's playing.

Natalie makes her second attempt.

Casey: You want another beer?

Dan: Sure.

Casey: I'll be back.

Casey gets up from the table as Dan watches Natalie make her third attempt.

Jeremy: Foul.

Natalie: What?

Jeremy: You were clearly over the line.

Natalie: What line?

Jeremy: The line back there. (points at the floor behind Natalie) The line you stand behind when you make your toss.

Elliott: We're not playing to regulations are we?

Natalie: We are keeping score.

Jeremy: Exactly. That was an illegal throw, so it doesn't count.

Natalie: Elliott? What would I have if we allowed my first two attempts?

Elliott: You would have a 22.

Natalie: And if we counted all three?

Elliott: A 79.

Natalie walks over and takes the darts from the board.

Natalie: I say we go to the instant replay booth.

Jeremy: You moron, there is no instant replay booth in-

Natalie: May I have everyone's attention please?! If there were any witnesses to my last turn at the board here, would anyone of you please verify if my final throw was legal or illegal?!

The restaurant patrons momentarily look at Natalie before continuing on with their activities.

Natalie: The 79 stands.

Jeremy: No, it doesn't. You were clearly over the line.

Kim: The shot looked good to me.

Kim joins the group.

Jeremy: Where were you standing?

Kim: Over there.

Jeremy: How could you have a good view of Natalie's position from over there?

Kim: Well, for one thing, is this a regulation game?

Elliott: Jeremy's making us go by the rules.

Jeremy: What's the point of playing the game and keeping score if you're not going to abide by the rules?

Elliott: I don't know... I thought to have fun.

Dan is watching the argument as Casey returns to the table with two beers.

Casey: What did I miss?

Dan: Nothing much. They're arguing over the game.

Casey: How can you argue over darts?

Dan: Jeremy's called some sort of infraction against Natalie.

Casey: Did she hit the board?

Dan: All three times.

Casey: I'd say be thankful she didn't hit any live and moving targets.

Dan: Yeah.

Casey: Why is Jeremy so gruff?

Dan: You try filling in for Sally's associate producer for a week and see how pleasant you become.

Casey: Does that mean...

Dan: Yeah, he still has to go to work tonight.

The two each take a sip of their beers.

Casey sets his glass down on top of a napkin.

Casey: I think I'm going to try to gain full custody of Charlie.

Dan sets his glass on the table.

Dan: You what?

Casey: I'm going to see my lawyer in a couple of days to see about challenging the custody order. I want full custody.

Dan: It sounds like you've passed the "thinking-about-it stage."

Casey: You don't think it's a good idea?

Dan: I didn't think it was a bad idea.

Casey grabs his glass and takes another sip.

Dan: I just don't think they are going to overturn the order.

Casey sets his glass back down.

Casey: Do you know how often I get to see Charlie? Every Wednesday night, every other weekend, alternate holidays, and two weeks in the summer. That doesn't sound very fair for a father when trying to help raise his son. I need to be an active parent in his life.

Dan: You are active.

Casey: Not the way I should be.

Dan: Have you thought about how life would be different if you were granted full custody?

Casey: I would be there for him everyday.

Dan: And?

Casey: I would be there for him everyday. There is no "and." That's all there is.

Dan: Does Lisa know?

Casey: I'm not going to discuss this with her.

Dan: Are you hoping the S.W.A.T. team is going to storm Lisa's house, kidnap Charlie, and deliver him to you?

Casey: What I'm saying is that I'm not going to have a casual conversation about this with Lisa.

Dan: Well, you got that right. Any conversation with Lisa is never casual.

Casey: I'll discuss this with my lawyer; then we'll file a petition and see where it goes from there.

Dan: Okay.

Dan and Casey watch Natalie, Kim, Elliott, and Jeremy argue over by the dart board. Natalie smacks Jeremy on the side of his arm. Jeremy checks to see if he's been stabbed with a dart, but Natalie shows him she is still holding all the darts in her hand.

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