A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Garden

Disclaimer


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Dana is seated inside her office with Rob Landers. She has Rob's resumé sitting on her desk, along with some more background information and notes she has taken during the interview.

Dana: Everything sounds wonderful, Robert.

Rob: Thank you. I was rehearsing in the mirror for hours this morning.

Dana is amused by the comment.

Dana: If you have time right now, I would like for you to meet with Isaac Jaffee. He's the managing editor of "Sports Night."

Rob: That sounds wonderful.

Dana: I'm sorry. I neglected to ask if you are available. If you need to grab some dinner or if you have some other plans, I completely understand.

Rob: My wife and I came all the way from Chicago. I believe we can make arrangements.

Dana: Great.

Rob: Besides, we're here for a mini-vacation.

Dana: So your station let you off the hook for the next few days?

Rob: Unless there's some late-breaking news.

Dana notices Rob slightly drawing back.

Dana: Is something wrong?

Rob is embarrassed.

Rob: I apologize. It's my beeper. I have it set for vibration, and I'm still not used to it.

Dana: Is it important? You can use my phone. I don't object.

Rob: It's probably that late-breaking news I mentioned.

Dana: Mini-vacation, huh?

Rob: It's just a part of the job.

Dana: Here, I'll give you some privacy, so you can make your phone call.

Rob: Dana-

Dana: I insist.

Dana gets up and pushes her phone toward Rob.

Dana: I'll go check on any updates while you make your call.

Rob: Thank you.

Dana leaves her office and closes the door behind her. Through her window, she can see Rob checking his pager and using the telephone to dial out.

Natalie surprises Dana.

Natalie: How'd it go?

Dana: Much better than I expected. Actually, it was great.

The two begin walking down the corridor toward the newsroom.

Natalie: You have your expectations at a bare minimum.

Dana: Actually, I have high expectations. I was impressed with the interview.

Natalie: He used to work with Danny.

Dana: I got that from the resumé. Besides, I need to check on updates while Robert makes a phone call.

Natalie: You have your next interview in less than fifteen minutes.

Dana: I am aware of that.

Natalie: You seem so enamored with Robert, I was afraid you may have lost track of time.

Dana: I'm on schedule. Besides, anything new over the last hour?

Natalie: Jeremy got an official statement from Houston.

Dana: A press release?

Natalie: No. An official made a statement and also requested anonymity.

Dana: I can live with that.

Natalie: The Houston lead sprang from Casey's tip.

Dana: I can also live with that.

Natalie: You also need to interview Casey.

Dana: I already know what Casey wants. Casey has contract issues and, more specifically, he hasn't requested an interview.

Natalie: Casey specifically said he wants an interview.

Dana: He told you that?

Natalie: Not to me, personally.

Dana: Then to whom?

Natalie: He told Jeremy.

Dana: He specifically told Jeremy he wants to interview for "Sports Night"?

Natalie: Not specifically.

Dana shakes her head as the two enter the newsroom.

Dana: I'm not playing this game. How'd our stock close?

Natalie: Down two dollars. You know, Casey's worked with Danny.

Dana: Rob also has worked with Danny. This has been an excellent interview.

Dana notices Jeremy lying on his back on top of his desk.

Dana: What's he doing?

Natalie: It looks as if Jeremy is about to hyperventilate.

Dana: He's stressed over the rumors of potential job cuts?

Natalie: He's freaking out over filming the party for his other show.

Dana: It's just a party.

Natalie: Actually, he's afraid a girl is going to ask him for a dance.

Dana and Natalie watch Jeremy slowly exhale and inhale into a paper bag.

-----

Dan is standing inside his office, dressed in preparation for his show, and in a worried state. He's rubbing down a baseball while staring out his window.

When someone knocks on his door, Dan doesn't bother to turn and see who has dropped by.

Dan: Yeah?

"Danny."

Dan turns around once he recognizes Isaac's voice.

Dan: Isaac. How's it going?

Isaac: It's going great.

Dan: Good.

Isaac: Danny-

Dan: Okay, here comes the lecture.

Isaac: I'm not here to lecture you.

Dan: Okay. I'm sorry.

Isaac: You're fine. Do you recall working with a Robert Landers back in Chicago? He interviewed with us today.

Dan: He along with that other dude.

Isaac: Yeah.

Dan: I was made aware of it.

Isaac: Good.

Dan: More specifically, I heard it directly from Rob. Jeremy and I ran into him on the way to the Garden.

Isaac: So you two had a chance to catch up?

Dan: It's interesting considering the network would bring him in here.

Isaac: How is it interesting?

Dan: Come on, Isaac. I hear and understand the message they're sending.

Isaac: I would be interested in hearing the message.

Dan sets the baseball on his desk.

Dan: Sam brought him in to interview.

Isaac: Yes, he asked him to come.

Dan: How'd the interview go?

Isaac: Great.

Dan: How'd it go with the other dude?

Isaac: Robert looks to be the leading candidate.

Dan: I figured as much.

Dan picks up the baseball.

Isaac: Did you two not get along? Robert had some complimentary things to say about you.

Dan: We got along fine. He's a great guy. He's a family man, a mentor, and stalwart in the community. Anybody would be privileged to work beside him.

Isaac: But you have reservations?

Dan rubs down the baseball.

Dan: My father used to coach me playing baseball.

Isaac: He was your coach?

Dan: Actually, he felt he was more productive coaching from the stands. I would hear him yelling for me to shift when in the field or watch out for the curveball when inside the batter's box.

Isaac: It's common for parents to want to see their kids succeed. Some are a little more vocal than others.

Dan: Yeah. Once I started improving my game, I'd hear less from him. One game, I went four-for-four, but had an error in the field. Even though we won the game and I had a good day at the plate, my father berated me for the error.

Isaac: I'm sorry to hear that.

Dan: He arranged to have my older brother give me extra fielding practice. We'd do it every day just to improve my fielding.

Isaac: I'm sorry your father was harsh.

Dan: Nah, he wasn't harsh. The great news is that I didn't make an error the rest of the season.

Isaac: It's good to know something positive came from it.

Dan: There was this one thing which I discovered later. It's some crazy notion which has stuck in the back of my head. Maybe my father had some different logic by having me take the extra practice. Instead of wanting me to succeed, maybe he just didn't want me to screw up.

Dan sets the baseball back on his desk.

Dan: I wasn't nominated this year.

Isaac: Yeah.

Dan: Dana, Natalie, and Jeremy earned nominations. The show got a nomination.

Isaac: Yeah.

Dan: And Sam feels it's necessary to bring in an "older brother" to straighten me out.

Isaac: Sam didn't-

Dan: He did. The message is that I need somebody telling me what I need to do. Somebody to keep me in line... and keep me from screwing up.

Isaac: That's not true, Danny.

Dan walks by Isaac.

Dan: Tell that to Sam.

-----

"Five minutes to air. First team to the studio."

Dave, Chris, and Will are seated in front of the control board.

Will: Do you have the names?

Chris: I have the names.

Natalie enters the control room and walks by the three men.

Dave: Any word on the trade?

Natalie: Nothing official.

Chris: I have the names, if you need them.

Natalie: What I need is for the negotiations to finalize sometime this hour.

Dana enters the control room.

Dana: Okay, guys. Preview 2, 3, 4, and 4a.

As Dana takes her seat, Chris, Will, and Dave begin to manipulate the control board.

Elliott springs into the control room with a tape in hand.

Elliott: I've got Pistons-Heat.

Elliott continues into the sound room.

Dana: (into headset) Pistons-Heat is officially here. It's already allotted in the teens, so there's nothing to worry about.

Dana turns her head and spots Jeremy standing just inside the doorway.

Dana: And speaking of nothing to worry about...

Jeremy: I'm here for any late-breaking action.

Natalie walks by Jeremy in order to get to her seat.

Natalie: I believe we have it under control, Jeremy.

Jeremy: Correct, but I've been working on this possible trade since mid-afternoon, and I would like follow through.

Dana: We've got it, Jeremy.

Elliott reenters the control room.

Natalie: Elliott, any news on the trade?

Elliott: I've got nothing.

Jeremy: I could stay and work the phones with Elliott. It could only benefit-

Dana: Aren't you missing your party?

Jeremy: I've assigned it to an understudy. Besides, Isaac specifically stated that my responsibilities to this program come first. There shall be no interference, whatsoever.

Natalie: There's no interference, Jeremy. We've got it under control.

Jeremy: I'm here to support you-

Dana: Get out!

Jeremy: Right.

Jeremy scurries out of the room as Dana focuses on the previews.

Dana: Previews look great. Let me hear Miami, San Antonio, and Los Angeles - in that order.

Isaac enters the control room.

Isaac: Good evening, everybody.

Dana: Hey, Isaac Jaffee's in the house.

Isaac: Isn't Jeremy supposed to help film a party?

Natalie: We've got it under control, so he can still get in the midst of it.

Elliott approaches Isaac.

Elliott: Isaac, I'm as loyal as they come; but if they decide to lay me off, I would appreciate at least three months of severance pay.

Isaac: Excuse me?

Isaac turns to the rest of the crew as Kim moves next to Elliott.

Isaac: What's he talking about?

Kim: If Elliott is laid-off, could we take part of his salary and invest in a foosball table?

Will: Cool! Foosball!

Isaac: Where did you get the information of layoffs?

Natalie: Our stock dropped two dollars amid the reports of pending layoffs.

Isaac is confused.

Isaac: What?

Natalie: Wait. You haven't informed us of the layoffs.

Isaac: There are no layoffs.

Dana: You've been avoiding us all day and hiding the ratings book to boot. The meeting notes, which I have yet to be briefed, probably dictated we need to cut back on our staffing.

Isaac: I must have hit my head on something really hard because I have no recollection of such a day.

Natalie: You had that initial meeting with Sam?

Isaac: Sam? Are you referring to my early meeting with Sam?

Natalie: Yes, when he brought in the latest ratings book.

Isaac realizes his confusion is the result of Natalie spreading misinformation.

Isaac: Yeah. My meeting with Sam. Our stock dropped how much today?

Natalie: Two dollars.

Isaac: Based on yet-to-be-released reports of pending layoffs.

Natalie: Yeah.

Isaac: Somebody do me a favor and hit me over the head with something really hard.

-----

Inside Anthony's, Dana and Natalie are sitting at a table. All around them, people are enjoying the evening and various activities: socializing, eating and drinking, watching the televisions, playing darts, and dancing to some upbeat music. Instead of enjoying the time, Dana has her arms crossed and is visibly annoyed. She is partially turned away from Natalie.

Natalie: Come on, Dana.

Dana: Did you forget I'm still angry with you?

Natalie: It was an honest mistake.

Dana: I was worried about our jobs.

Natalie: That's wonderful. It shows you have concern for our well-being.

Dana: There's one's well-being I'm not too concerned over right now.

Natalie: The fact remains our stock dropped two dollars today.

Dana: Because Quo Vadimus is in negotiations to buy another company.

Natalie: You didn't actually believe I could control the stock market by spreading rumors?

Dana casts a glare over Natalie.

Dana: There are moments I worry what you might be able to accomplish.

A tired Jeremy walks up to the table.

Natalie: You made it!

Jeremy: Yeah. Did the trade go down?

Natalie: There's no official word.

Jeremy sits between the two women.

Jeremy: Anything new?

Dana: Natalie nearly cost us a couple of million dollars today.

Jeremy: I hope it's worth what we're getting in return.

Natalie: Our ratings are up!

Jeremy: That's worth something.

Dana: I'm getting a drink.

Dana gets up and heads toward the bar. Jeremy is surprised Dana didn't offer to get him a drink.

Jeremy: Is Dana okay?

Natalie: She'll get over it. How'd the party go?

Jeremy: It was good. It was going strong when I got there and it continued after we wrapped and called it an evening.

Natalie: Sounds like a good party.

Jeremy: I believe the Yankees can afford to throw a million-dollar bash.

Natalie: So... did you speak with her? Did you two do anything?

Jeremy: I work with Lorie, Natalie. Of course, I had to speak with her.

Natalie begins to move to the music playing in the background.

Natalie: Did you two dance?

Jeremy: That's all you want to know?

Natalie: I'm not going to ask if you put your tongue down her throat.

Jeremy: Thank you. I appreciate it.

Natalie: Did you slow dance? Salsa? Maybe a little of the tango?

Jeremy: I didn't dance with her, Natalie. You know I can't dance.

Natalie: My toes can confirm that. Besides, it never stopped you from dancing with me.

Jeremy: That's because she's different.

Natalie: A pretty girl asked you dance with her, Jeremy. What's the harm in that?

Jeremy: It's different.

Natalie: Are you afraid you might embarrass yourself?

Jeremy: I'm afraid I don't like her.

Natalie: You? Jeremy Goodwin, who once worshiped cover-model-slash-reporter-slash-sex-goddess Lorie Allen? You really don't like her?

Jeremy: You have to get to know her.

Natalie: I believe I should.

Jeremy: Natalie.

Natalie: Don't worry, Jeremy.

Jeremy: Thank you.

The two sit and take in the atmosphere.

Natalie: What do you think?

Jeremy: About?

Natalie: I don't know. It's been a long day, but this song has a pretty good beat to it.

Jeremy: Yeah.

Natalie: So... would you like to dance?

Jeremy: Sure.

Natalie and Jeremy take each other's hand and head toward the dance floor.

-----

Dan and Casey are sitting at the bar, munching on some pretzels, and drinking beer.

Casey: What's the value of an unused stairclimber?

Dan: According to you, practically nothing.

Casey: It has no value when it's unused. On the other hand, a valuable award-

Dan: It was a talking bass.

Casey: It meant something to me.

Dan: It also meant something to us.

Casey: Really?

Dan: Hours of enjoyment. Without your award, our time would have been devoid of the countless jokes concerning you and your talking bass.

Casey: Dana shouldn't be upset over me donating her stairclimber.

Dan: Well, you were wrong with that call, Sparky.

Casey: So she retaliates by throwing away some of my stuff.

Dan: Memo to Casey: Derek Jeter baseball card - valuable. Paul Zuvella baseball card - not so valuable.

Casey: It's my stuff. It's part of my past, part of my legacy.

Dan: That's some legacy you accumulated.

Casey: When I got rid of the stairclimber, Dana should have just let it go.

Dan: It's good to see you're certainly taking the high road on this one.

Casey finishes his beer.

Casey: What's up with the interview process?

Dan: Yeah, what's up with that?

Casey: I heard a former partner came in to interview for the job.

Dan: Yup. Good ol' Rob Landers from Chicago.

Casey: I suppose it's asking too much if he royally screwed up the interview.

Dan: A bit too much.

Casey: Is Isaac going to offer him the job?

Dan: There are several more candidates to interview, but Rob looks to be the initial choice.

Casey: Okay.

Dan is astonished as Casey catches the attention of the bartender in order to get another beer.

Dan: Sure. Okay. Just wait for Isaac and Dana to offer you the job.

Casey: Danny.

Dan: No, I'm serious. Just sit there and drink your beer. The offers should just pour in.

Casey: It's not like I can easily get out of my contract.

Dan: Whatever you say.

Dana squeezes between the two.

Dana: So what are you two discussing?

Casey: A number of topics.

Dan: We were talking about Casey coming back-

Casey: Dan.

Dan: Forget I said anything.

Dana: You guys hear that are ratings are up?

Casey: Congratulations.

The bartender brings Casey his beer.

Dana: Thank you.

Believing the beer is for her, Dana grabs it and takes a sip. Dan is amused by Dana's actions pestering Casey.

Dana: What?

Casey: It's nothing.

Dan: Casey believes you are still retaliating.

Dana laughs.

Dana: Over what?

Dan: His charity giving.

Dana: The stairclimber? I'm over that.

Dan: See Casey? Dana's over it.

Casey: Thanks for the info.

Dana: Besides, we've agreed to do some more cleaning. When we're finished, we'll start redecorating by purchasing some things together.

Dan: That's a step in the right direction. What will you first purchase?

Casey: I don't know.

Dana: Probably an ottoman.

Casey: An ottoman?

Dana: Yes, an ottoman.

Casey: It better have some of those hidden compartments to store stuff.

Elliott joins the trio.

Elliott: What's up?

Dan: Dana and Casey are buying furniture.

Elliott: Cool. Dana? Would you care to dance?

Dana: Sure.

Casey: Whoa. You're not even seeking my permission?

Dana: Okay, Casey. You can watch my beer. Let's go, Elliott.

Dana and Elliott head toward the dance floor. Dan leans over to Casey.

Dan: Just remember, if you ever want to dance, you can't wait for a partner. You have to go after one.



Sports Night