Now a Word From Our Sponsor

Original Release Date: April 23, 2002

Written by:
Jim Hamilton

Estimated Run Time:


Some of you may read this story and ask, "Where is Dana?"


Dan is reading a memo as he walks into Isaac's office.

Dan: I'm reading this memo... and I think it's a great idea for this joint partnership.

Isaac: You understand the memo, huh?

Dan: Yes. The W.D.F.A. buys advertising time on our network, and we just have to do one "Sports Night" commercial with their participation.

Isaac: And you would like to be in that commercial, Dan?

Dan: I assume I am the top candidate to be chosen to do the commercial since I am the most visible member of the show.

Isaac: Yes, you are the top candidate and the only candidate.

Dan: I'm just double-checking. I do have one question, though.

Isaac: It wouldn't be a normal day if you didn't have one.

Dan: What sport is the W.D.F.A.? We haven't been able to find information on it. We've been taking bets, and I say that it's the "Women's Developmental Football Association." Jeremy says it's the "World something-that-begins-with-D Fencing Association." Kim thinks its the "Western Drag Racing Federation of America," which doesn't fit the acronym because drag racing is two words. We also have bets on something foosball or frisbee or diving.

Isaac: You're all wrong.

Dan: I knew it. It has to do with the decathlon.

Isaac: Nope.

Dan: Discus.

Isaac: Nope.

Dan: Weightlifting.

Isaac: Nope.

Dan: What is it?

Isaac: The "Wisconsin Dairy Farmer Association."

Dan: The what?

Isaac: The "Wisconsin Dairy Farmer-

Dan: Farmer Association" Yeah. What do they do?

Isaac: I would assume dairy farming.

Dan: We're not going to be showing butter churning contests or who can get the most milk from a cow?

Isaac: No. They are strictly buying advertising with the network.

Dan: You're going to have me doing a commercial with them promoting the network?

Isaac: Right.

Dan: I'm not going to have to churn butter, am I?

Isaac: I don't know.

Dan: Isaac? This could be potentially a dangerous situation.

Isaac: What are you, lactose intolerant?

Dan: I'm not going to have to go to a barn in some remote part of Wisconsin?

Isaac: You're going to film it outside of the city.

Dan: But are there farm animals involved?

Isaac: You need to check with public relations.

Dan: They're not going to make me wear flannel.

Isaac looks at Dan.

Isaac: Yes, you're going to have to wear a flannel shirt with overalls and a straw hat. Danny, I'm sure whatever they want to do is going to be tasteful.

Natalie walks into the office.

Natalie: Hey, guys. Do you have our live feed on?

Isaac: Does it look like it's on?

Natalie looks at the monitors behind Isaac's desk.

Natalie: Yes.

Isaac: There's your answer.

Natalie: Have you been watching it?

Isaac: The volume's down and I'm doing paperwork, Natalie. And answering Danny's question.

Dan: The W.D.F.A. isn't a sports organization.

Natalie: That's nice. Irv Wilson has bowled a perfect game through six frames.

Isaac: I don't think we've ever shown a three-hundred game on our network.

Natalie: Right.

Dan: It's a bunch of dairy farmers.

Isaac: Are you moving up the story?

Natalie: If he gets a 300 game, we'll expand the coverage and include an interview. If it happens, Danny, we'll probably drop the story on the Indy League and save it for tomorrow night. Plus, we'll need to recut the teaser to include it.

Dan: I'm probably going to have to wear a milk mustache in a commercial.

Natalie looks at Dan.

Natalie: Take advantage of the opportunity and turn the mustache into a goatee.

Dan: It has to be tasteful.

Isaac: I'll turn up the volume and see if Wilson gets the perfect game.

Isaac turns up the volume on the live feed.

TV announcer: (on-air) Still composed and having nerves of steel, Irv Wilson approaches the seventh frame. This is the biggest game of his life, never having won a tournament before. He's in complete control, leading Daryl Walker by 24 pins.

Irv Wilson releases the ball down the lane, and the crowd starts yelling and screaming. The strike sends the crowd into a frenzy.

TV announcer: (on-air) Seven in a row for Wilson!

Natalie: I'll get on it with Elliott.

Isaac: You do that.

Natalie leaves the office as Isaac begins watching the bowling coverage.

Dan: I can't do it, Isaac.

Isaac: You haven't even spoken to them about the commercial.

Dan: I just sense something bad is going to happen. They're going to make me plow a field and plant some corn.

Isaac: They're dairy farmers. They're not raising crops.

Dan: They might have diversified their homestead. Part of the farm is dairy, the other part is agriculture.

Isaac: Well, pick out a few good ears of corn to bring back.

The other bowler, Daryl Walker, bowls his frame and he knocks down eight pins, leaving the 6 and 10 pins standing.

Dan: Isaac-

Isaac: I thought you supported this partnership.

Dan: When I thought it involved sports.

Isaac: Does the memo say anywhere that it is a sports organization?

Dan: No.

Isaac: It talks about marketing and what a good opportunity it is for the network.

Dan: Yeah, but-

Isaac: Nothing more about it, Daniel.

Walker completes the spare.

TV announcer: (on-air) Walker finishes the frame, but Wilson is in control and going for a record. We'll be back after a few words from our sponsors.

The live feed is replaced with a screen-sized CSC logo.

Jeremy enters the office.

Jeremy: Are you guys watching the match?

Isaac: Wilson has a perfect game through seven frames.

Jeremy: Right, and did you also know that this could be the first 300 game-

Dan: It's a bunch of dairy farmers!

Jeremy: What?

Isaac: Ignore him.

Dan: I'm going to be doing a commercial with the W.D.F.A., and do you know what it stands for?

Jeremy: The Wisconsin Dairy Farmer Association?

Dan: Right. Wait, how did you know-

Jeremy: I just found out I'm going to assist in the production of the commercial.

Dan looks ecstatic.

Dan: Great! Let me tell you about what I'm not going to do.

Jeremy: I haven't even seen a storyboard on it.

Dan: Is it going to involve farm animals?

Jeremy: I don't know. You want it to involve some holsteins?

Dan: NO!

Isaac: Shhh... the match is back on.

The feed returns to the match.

TV announcer: (on-air) During the break, Irv Wilson looked totally composed. He wiped down with a towel and drank some water. He sure doesn't look like somebody attempting to make history.

Jeremy: He could be the first bowler to win his first championship by bowling a 300-game.

TV announcer: (on-air) Wilson could be the first bowler to win his first championship by bowling a 300-game.

Jeremy: See?

TV announcer: (whispering on-air) He approaches the eighth frame. The crowd is silent, but on their toes. He lets it go...

The crowd starts cheering, and erupts as Irv Wilson makes another strike.

TV announcer: (on-air) He did it again!

Jeremy: I'm going to catch the rest of this in the newsroom. Anyone else care to join me?

Isaac: Sure thing, Jeremy.

Jeremy, Isaac, and Dan leave the office.


Sally and network executive, Donna Kendrick, are meeting inside the conference room. As Donna takes a seat at the table, Sally walks very stiff and gingerly sits down.

Donna: How's your back?

Sally: I just need a week for it to heal. I pulled a muscle in my lower back when I was working out the other day.

Donna: What were you doing?

Sally: Actually, I was doing some yoga. Yoga is part of my work-out and relaxation routine. It's funny that I pulled it because I consider myself to be pretty limber.

Donna: You definitely need to be careful when practicing yoga. I've seen other people injure themselves, too.

Sally: Do you practice yoga?

Donna: Not as frequently as I like.

Sally: It's great to know we have something in common.

Donna: What did you wish to address, Sally?

Sally: I wanted to talk about "Sports Night."

Donna: Okay.

Sally: It's been great helping out with the show over the last few weeks, and it's been great for Kim to be assisting right now as Dana continues to be out.

Donna: The network appreciates all the hard work everybody has contributed.

Sally: Thank you, Donna. With Dana in and out of the hospital and with the anticipated six-week maternity leave, there is the possibility Dana might not want to come back... because of the extra responsibilities involved with a newborn baby.

Donna: Right.

Sally: Isaac hasn't talked to you about this?

Donna: He hasn't mentioned it to me.

Sally: I certainly hoped he would have, since it is a possibility.

Donna: That Dana might leave?

Sally: Right.

Donna: I've been letting Isaac Jaffee handle the situation involving Dana.

Sally: I just want to let you know that if Dana wishes to have a reduced role with the network, or if- heaven forbid- she can no longer handle being executive producer of "Sports Night," I would gladly assume the responsibilities of being the executive producer.

Donna: We're not looking for anybody, yet.

Sally: I'm just saying that if the possibility were to occur.

Donna and Sally are briefly interrupted by loud cheering going on in the newsroom.

Donna: What's going on?

Sally: We're covering a bowling championship. One of the bowlers is bowling a perfect game. He probably made another strike.

Donna: That's fabulous for the network.

Sally: Yes, it is, Donna. I just want you to know that I am committed to this network, I'm a hard-worker, we at "West Coast Update" put together a great show as reflected in your recent notes, and I want to help out and step-in whenever the network needs me.

Donna: Sally, I thank you for coming to me with this.

Sally: You're very much welcome.

Donna gets up and the two shake hands. Sally looks proud of herself as Donna leaves the conference room.

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