| Akoma |
-----
At his desk, Jeremy intensely stares at his monitor. He clicks his mouse a few times in order to read the rest of the web page on his screen.
"Single White Female; 31; enjoys sports, hiking, and scuba diving-"
Jeremy: Ah!
Jeremy jumps and spins around to find Casey reading over his shoulder.
Jeremy: Casey! Hi!
Jeremy seats himself directly on his desk and in front of his monitor in order to hide the web page. Jeremy brilliantly pulls off the casual yet uncomfortable look.
Casey: How's it going, Jeremy?
Jeremy: Fabulous. Couldn't be better. I'm on my break.
Casey: Good. Checking out the personal ads?
Jeremy lets out an uncomfortable laugh and reveals the information on the monitor.
Jeremy: Me? No. I just stumbled upon this page here. I must have mistakenly typed in the wrong URL, and wound up at a site I had no intentions of visiting. No intentions, whatsoever.
Casey: I see.
Jeremy: It was an honest mistake.
Casey: Hypothetically, if your intentions were to browse through some online personal ads, I would applaud you.
Jeremy: You would?
Casey: Yes, I would.
Jeremy: Hypothetically speaking.
Casey: Of course.
Jeremy: Do you mind if I were to ask for your opinion?
Casey: Don't mind a bit, Jeremy.
Jeremy: Let's just say - hypothetically speaking - that a male establishes an online relationship with a female.
Casey: How did this male establish this relationship?
Jeremy: Let's say through an online service which matches people with similar interests and hobbies.
Casey: An online dating service.
Jeremy: No, no, no. Not just dating... something to network people with-
Casey: Similar interests and hobbies. Got it.
Jeremy: Yeah. Then let's say these two people wanted to meet with the possible intentions of turning the relationship into something more significant.
Casey: Like dating?
Jeremy: No, no, no. Something more like... getting to know each other better.
Casey: Technically, couldn't one handle that through online correspondence?
Jeremy: Technically, yeah.
Casey: Then why-
Jeremy: Because there is a connection between the two, and they want to see if the online connection is something real or a figment of their imaginations.
Casey: I see.
Jeremy: Hypothetically speaking.
Casey: Of course.
Dan slaps Casey on the back and joins in the conversation.
Dan: How's it going?
Jeremy: Great.
Casey: Jeremy is into online dating.
Jeremy: Hypothetically!
Dan: Oh-kay.
Jeremy: Casey and I were discussing a hypothetical situation where a male meets a female through an online service.
Dan: A dating service.
Jeremy: It's not just a dating service.
Casey: It's something to network people with similar interests and hobbies.
Dan: A dating service.
Jeremy: It's not just a dating service.
Dan: Could we just say hypothetically that it is a dating service?
Casey: Sure.
Jeremy: It's not just a dating service.
Dan: It would certainly clear things up for me.
Casey: In a hypothetical sort of way.
Dan ignores Casey.
Dan: Okay. Now I believe, Jeremy, other intellectuals as yourself have been experimenting and somewhat successful with online dating services for some time now. I'm surprised you haven't tried it out.
Jeremy: Really?
Casey: The internet has become the latest singles bar.
Dan: With no cover charge.
Jeremy begins to relax and show some trust.
Jeremy: So, have you two tried an internet dating service?
Dan: Not a chance.
Casey: No way.
Dan: But that should not stop you in any way.
Jeremy: Okay.
Dan: Good.
Jeremy: Let me run a hypothetical situation by you.
Dan: All right.
Jeremy: Let's say I've been corresponding with a woman.
Dan: And let's say one train leaves Cleveland heading east and one train leaves Albany heading west. Jeremy, you've been corresponding with a woman.
Jeremy: Right.
Dan: Is she a local woman?
Jeremy: Yes, within a taxi ride. Or within a subway ride. Actually, I'd probably have to switch over twice because a train doesn't run directly from my place to hers, but I haven't fully investigated all possible routes to her area-
Dan: Okay, okay, Jeremy. She's a local woman.
Jeremy: Yeah.
Dan: And?
Jeremy: And we've talked about meeting in person... at a coffee house or coffee bar... tomorrow night.
Dan: Good job, Jeremy.
Casey: Congratulations are in order.
Instead of being pleased with himself, Jeremy is worried.
Jeremy: It's tomorrow night.
Dan: Great. What's to worry about?
Jeremy: The fact it is Hanukkah.
Dan: (sarcastic) Yeah. I'm sure Hanukkah isn't about bringing people together.
Jeremy: I was planning on attending the lighting and reading, but what if she would like to, you know, tag along? Maybe I should give her the option of meeting before the lighting-
Dan: She's fine meeting you at the coffee house.
Jeremy: What if she asks about what I was doing earlier in the day? Asks about what I was doing before we met? What if I run into her at the lighting and-
Dan: Hold on there, Jeremy. Take it easy.
Jeremy: What if-
Dan: Take it easy.
Dan places both of his hands on Jeremy's shoulders.
Dan: I'm an expert at these things. You have nothing to worry about.
Jeremy: You said you never tried an internet dating service.
Casey: Not a chance, as you put it.
Dan: Dating. I consider myself a valuable resource when it comes to dating.
Jeremy: And by valuable resource, you are referring to the numerous women you've dated in your lifetime.
Dan: Yes.
Jeremy: Wouldn't some people come to the conclusion that you are not an excellent dater once they consider the number of failed relationships-
Dan backs away from Jeremy.
Dan: Would you like my help or not?
Jeremy: Certainly. I would appreciate any advice you could give.
Dan: Okay. Here's what you need to do-
"Has anybody seen Dana?!"
The trio are interrupted by Elliott's question to the entire room. Elliott walks over to them.
Elliott: Have any of you seen Dana?
Dan: Elliott, I suppose she's with Natalie.
Elliott: Where's Natalie?
Dan: I don't know.
Elliott: Thanks.
Elliott walks away.
"Has anybody seen Natalie?!"
-----
Natalie is standing in front of the door leading into the women's restroom. She keeps a watch to prevent anybody from entering.
A voice comes from behind the door.
"Why don't we have thicker paper towels? They are tearing apart on me."
Natalie: Maybe because they weren't meant for use in bathing.
Two women approach Natalie.
Natalie: I'm sorry, ladies. This restroom is temporarily closed. It should reopen in just a few minutes. Thanks for your patience.
The two women show some understanding and move on. Natalie turns and speaks into the door.
Natalie: You'd better hurry up in there, Dana.
"I'm hurrying the best I can."
Natalie: You don't want to leave Casey hanging.
The door partially opens, and Dana's head pops out.
Dana: What about Casey?
Natalie: Nothing.
Dana pulls her head back inside, and the door closes.
"I just feel so guilty. This was an important night for Casey. It was an important night for me."
Natalie: What was so important over dinner?
"I think Casey was going to ask me to marry him."
Natalie: Awesome. You two have talked about marriage.
"Not exactly."
Natalie: You found an errant receipt from a jewelry store.
"No receipt, no brochure, and no hints of any kind."
Natalie: So you are expecting the element of surprise.
"I'll be surprised when he shows me the ring."
Natalie begins to have some doubts.
Natalie: You're just going on your instinct.
"My instincts tell me Casey was going to ask me to marry him."
Natalie attempts to give some support.
Natalie: Okay.
"Okay? Just a minute ago, you said it was awesome."
Natalie: Okay, it's awesome.
"This shirt doesn't fit."
Natalie: It was all wardrobe had available.
"It's way too big. And these pants-"
Natalie begins to go into deep thought. Dana's head pops out once again.
Dana: I know what you're thinking.
Natalie: Dana-
Dana: I'm not crazy.
Natalie: I didn't say-
Dana: You're posture is saying I'm crazy.
Natalie: My posture is keeping other people from entering the restroom.
Dana's head goes back inside.
"Fine."
Natalie: (pleading) Dana.
The door opens, and Dana comes out. She is wearing a white, men's dress shirt. It is about four sizes too large on her, and she is forced to roll up the sleeves to her elbows. She is wearing some slacks, which are also several sizes too large. Her belt is tightened around her waist, and the excess waistline from the pants bunch around the belt buckle. She also was forced to roll up the cuffs on the pants. To complete the ensemble, Dana decides to go without shoes.
Dana holds a paper bag, which contains her proper-fitting, stink-filled clothes.
Natalie: You look... you look-
Dana: Not a word. Not a single word.
Natalie: It was the best I could do.
Dana: I don't want any more wisecracks from you.
Natalie: Da-
Dana: You make light of my fall, you call me crazy, and you don't believe Casey wants to marry me. The last thing I want from you is a wisecrack about these clothes.
Natalie: I do believe Casey wants to marry you.
Dana: Then why-
Natalie: I just don't believe he was going to propose to you tonight.
Dana: Tonight was... is the perfect opportunity. It would make perfect sense.
Natalie: Dana.
Dana: He made the dinner reservations at a nice restaurant in advance. We waited a long time to be seated, even though he had the reservations. He wanted to wait through dinner, even though I was more than ready to leave and settle for a fast-food joint. I rushed through dinner without even thinking.
And now when I think about it, we are flying home tomorrow. We are staying at my parents' house. Wouldn't it be the perfect surprise if I were to show my family my new engagement ring? You know, Christmas results in more engagements than any other time of year.
Natalie: I know. I got engaged over Christmas... several, what feels like many, many years ago.
Dana: Oh... yeah... I'm sorry.
Natalie: Thanks. I'm sorry about the clothes, and you're not crazy.
Dana: Thank you.
Casey asked if he could stick around the set tonight. He didn't go home. He wanted to stay here and, quite possibly, surprise me with an engagement ring.
Natalie: Dana, I don't want you to get your hopes up if Casey isn't really planning-
Dana: You're right, you're right, Natalie.
Natalie: Thank you.
Dana: I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Natalie: Right.
Dana: It would ruin the element of surprise when he presents me with my engagement ring.
Natalie shakes her head.
